you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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