i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
