he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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