So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
