but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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