every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
