JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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