My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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