He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
