All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
