She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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