I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
