Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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