I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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