I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Reggie can tackle my bush.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize