She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
