It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
