i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
