Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
