DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Pants are for mortals
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
