If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
