you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
