Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
