My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
