I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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