i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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