did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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