If i come over, it means nothing
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
