I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
