You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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