Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
