My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
