Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
