i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
