Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize