she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize