you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
