Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
