Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
