Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
