she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
