Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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