I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
