I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
