I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
