I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
