Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
