There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize