but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
