Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
