I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
