He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
