bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
