Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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