At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
