I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
