"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
