Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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