I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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