You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
