Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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