I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
