this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
