i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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