So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
