I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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