No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
